Vegan Truffles

Enter: the ghastly vegan truffle
Being a vegetarian for health reasons first makes a turn to veganism both unlikely and less reasonable… it’s not that I don’t find animals lovely, endearing, intelligent, and brutalized, but I’ll be the first to point out that perhaps we take our animal rights politics a little far. Known to some as a health-nut, crunchy granola “Earth Muffin” type, while known as a soon-to-be-fatty by others, I like to think that my food endeavors display a healthy medium, treading the less than fine line between conscientiously astute and extravagantly indulgent (as much as the writings of Stephen Fry tantalize me toward the side of candy-coated bliss). That said, nothing is more defeating than having made a delicious batch of goodies only to see a friend’s face sink with the timid yet lashing expression of dishonoured, jealous contempt, and self-aware bitterness—the look of “I cannot possibly eat that.”
Something must be done!
Moreover, being informed of mysterious autoimmune issues inspires one to reluctantly cast aside the delicious but inflammatory proteins of dairy. Or to at least limit the excess.
So, here I am, the lover of all things cream and butter, attempting to move beyond the thick juice of the Gods, banishing it from my kitchen until I have absolutely mastered a truffle worthy of discerning taste buds and tummies. It is my first instinct to turn to the spirits—the other juice of the Gods—thanks to the sexy and spunky Vegan Cookie Connoisseur. (Her red wine truffles intrigued me… and who doesn’t love breaking wine glasses on Valentine’s Day? http://thevegancookieconnoisseur.com/)
Not only am I challenging myself with the exorcisms of wines/spirits and whey/dairy/casein/honeys but why not throw in nuts/soy... dare we go as far as wheat? Why not make the most accessible, darkly delicious, yet sinfully guiltless truffle that could be?
Few desserts are as healing as chocolate.


(Fantasy Flight Records)
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Vegan Truffle Recipe:

8 oz (approx.) of quality dark chocolate
1/3 cp-2/3 cp hemp milk/coconut milk*
1 tsp vanilla and/or coconut extract or coconut juice
1 tbsp agave or Lyle’s Golden Syrup
1 tbsp coconut oil (optional)


Simply warm the “cream” mixture with some flavourings or sweeteners of your choice, let cool slightly and pour over finely chopped chocolate (if it is a good quality chocolate, it will be vegan, as dark chocolate should not contain milk products). Cover, let sit for at least 2 hours. Uncover and roll into balls. Refrigerate again if necessary.
Roll your happy truffles in exciting powders, nuts, etc. such as desiccated coconut, cocoa powder or, better yet, spices!

*Depending on what flavourings you add, and what type of milk substitute you use, you will need to adjust the amount of liquid. For instance, if you are adding coconut juice/extract to bump up the flavour, or coconut oil to boost the buttery texture, you will require less ‘milk’. If you’re keeping it simple and adding just a dash of sweetness, you will require more.
I highly recommend using homemade hemp “cream” (which is thicker than store-bought hemp milk) or almond milk, bear in mind it will thicken and separate in the warming process, requiring a touch more liquid. Whereas, if you’re using rice milk, use less of it but you will require a lot of boosting to create a cream-like consistency. When you have rich hemp, why bother futzing with tasteless rice water?
Regardless of what you use your chocolate should ‘sing’ once you begin mixing and should retain some hold, similar to a pudding or mousse.
If it is not shiny you have either burned your chocolate or did not mix it well enough. At times, however, it is a case of the chocolate being old, or darker than suspected, in which case you may want a better quality bar or simply bump up the sweetness.
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Maybe it’s because I had intimate and complicated knowledge of eating disorders from a young age (being accused of bulimia at the age of 10 by a concerned teacher is quite the way to learn what it is—even more shocking when you realize classmates to be already experiencing such painful deprivation). Maybe it’s because feeding people is a great way for someone who is socially awkward to become socially accepted, in a manner that is socially acceptable; having tried the unaccepted methods, it’s a refreshing and rewarding shift. Regardless of the reason, feeding people is a nourishing neurosis. However, like any neurotic tendency, when it cannot be fulfilled, panic!
Thankfully, I’m accustomed to the vegan ways. Ange Liddon is a nutritionist who my yogi, glowing cousine turned me onto (check her out at http://ohsheglows.com) and it just so happens that she had a recipe for just the thing I was looking for… Almost. I appreciated the sight of “full fat.” “Yippee! Just what I’m used to!” I thought to myself, as some snobby French-American chef, before returning to reality at the sight of “coconut.” This ingredient is a little too limiting for this creative nut, and a little too allergy-inducing for several friends (as much as coconut-hazelnut were meant to be together... so more on that later). However it inspired ideas—back to the spirits, an agave-tequilla truffle? Not wanting to end up in Alcoholics Anon, I then had the better, glorious realization of my favourite seed/plant/herb: hemp! At the risk of alerting the Narcs, hemp is one of the most versatile plants, period, but also one of the most scrumptiously versatile edibles—as much as we associate it with the unhealthy munchies, the best foods to pair with this plant are some of the best for you (cite my personal bible--hyperbole). Cool the jets though, hemp is the non-stoner, male part of the plant, full of protein and fibre rather than THC.
Dark-chocolate, hemp milk, vanilla bean extract, some agave, and Earth Balance, what could go wrong? …Do you feel palm oil rant coming on? I most certainly do, so brace yourselves.
How the fuck can someone who doesn’t even eat honey (no, let’s not facilitate the health and well-being of bees even though they’re going extinct!) encourage the consumption of a product that is neither sustainable nor regulated to date, a product that is destroying the habitats of several species of creatures including one of our closest relatives, the orangutan? Back to the regulation and sustainability issues: quite apart from palm fruit/seed harvesting impact on animals, its effects on humans are abominable--as is the case with nearly all unregulated mass-scale harvesting practices. If no one decides that workers should receive fair wages then no one keeps the company accountable, wages are unmaintained, leading to other abuses. Not to mention that the one thing that palm fruit has going for it (beta-carotene) we so happen to bleach out of it--if we didn’t, your margarine-coloured spread would actually be red. Don’t hate, it’s true. And if you want a more lovely human being’s take on the matter, read this ballsy and passionate post: http://loveallbeings.org/blog/earth-balance-is-not-vegan/